“Have you ever felt like you could disappear
Like you could fall and no one would hear”
I haven’t posted here for a while. There’s a reason for that. I didn’t feel like anyone wanted to hear from me. I felt like no one cared. I felt like I was screaming (read: writing) into the void.
Maybe I was.
“Well… let that lonely feeling wash away,
maybe there’s a reason to believe
you’ll be okay”
Some old ghosts of mine came back to life. Ghosts that tell me I am not good enough. Ghosts that tell me I’m unworthy. That tell me I am incapable of good things, incapable and unworthy of any goodness. That I couldn’t have what I wanted. That my desires were worthless, selfish, and silly.
I don’t want anyone else to feel that way.
My message is one I need myself, too:
Believe in yourself.
believe you are worth it
believe you’re worthy
believe you’re good enough – all on your own
believe your desires are valid
believe your dreams are valid
believe your emotions are valid
too long we’ve been taught to discredit ourselves
that our desire is evil, that we ourselves are evil
our dreams are possible
our dreams can create a better world
our dreams can better our own lives
and that’s enough
To get there?
Y’all. We gotta rediscover our joy.
because joy is our birthright
Rediscover the joy of creativity
rediscover the joy of living
Forget to-do lists.
Forget it all.
Forget what we have been conditioned to do… to be.
Be who you came here to be.
Sing your heart out.
Use your imagination.
Dance to your favorite song.
Color outside the lines.
Write a story without worrying about
Read a picture book.
Go for a long drive with the windows down
Eat some ice cream without
Be your own self without
worrying what others think
Live your life
the way you want to live it
I have been way too timid. I’ve been tiptoeing around, a walking checklist. Is that any way to live? Please.
Oh – and I’m done pretending to be someone I’m not. I’m done dimming my light. I’m also done pretending to be okay when I’m really not. This world has tried its hardest to suck me dry. I’m rising up and rebelling. This world won’t steal the joy I create for myself.
So, my message to you is:
No matter who you are, you can find joy in your life
Joy is your birthright
how it often isn’t safe to be yourself, to express yourself –
to live your life the way you want.
Just… do what you can.
Please, live your life, in every way you can, every day.
“when you’re broken on the ground
you will be found”
So, what am I doing about it?
I’ve got some new things up my sleeve.
New creative writing clubs for teens (email me if you wanna learn more)
Still in graduate school
Still keepin’ on keepin’ on
Lyrics in this post: You Will Be Found (Dear Evan Hansen)
And a gem of a song, combining Dear Evan Hansen & Hamilton: